1. If Lincoln explains the war's causes in the third paragraph, he rallies the audience to continue the struggle in the fourth.
While Lincoln explains the war's causes in the third paragraph, in the fourth paragraph he shifts to rallying the audience to continue the struggle.
After explaining the war's causes in the third paragraph, Lincoln rallies the audience to continue the struggle in the fourth paragraph.
-- all three sentences maintain the sense of progression established in the original sentence
2. We estimate that a 20% increase in the cost of the Preliminary Manufacturing Notice would result in a 75-80% industry-wide reduction in the introduction of new chemicals.
-- cause-effect relationship clarified
-- action of agents (we) stressed--adds to sense of their authority
We estimate that a 20% increase in the cost of the Preliminary Manufacturing Notice would reduce the introduction of new chemicals by 75-80% industry wide.
-- reduction --> reduce
-- original sentence has 32 words; this has 25
3. Applying the analysis system does not involve developing new computer programs; rather, it requires using an input "language" to describe the loads and structures for analysis.
-- Application --> Applying (still a noun, but now a gerund (noun that looks like a verb-- feels more active))
To apply the analysis system, we do not have to develop a new computer program; instead, we can employ an input "language" to describe the loads and structures for analysis.
-- added an agent (we), which clarifies the actions required of those using analysis system
4. Our next level of consideration is to enhance the problem solving process. We must observe 1.) the accessibility of tools; 2.) how tools are selected and rejected; and 3.) why particular tools are chosen.
-- goal put before action to be taken
-- I've added number before the three elements we have to consider but I'm not sure I need them given the brevity of each element -- might include if you think the reader is going to skim
We must next consider the problem solving process: whether tools are accessible; how tools are selected and rejected; and why particular tools are chosen.
-- consideration-->consider
-- three concrete actions presented to consider: whether, how, why
-- 36-->24 words
5. In early English spelling, there was often a wide range of ways of representing the same sound. During the Middle English period, the first sound of "she" was spelled both "sch" and "sh." Yet these were not understood as representations of different sounds, because different parts of the country had entirely separate traditions governing the use of certain symbols to express the same sounds.
-- ME acronym expanded
-- 'nothing' words eliminated ("It is in fact also...")
-- "she," "sch" and "sh" isolated by quotation marks
-- potential problem = I've eliminated the idea that "sh" was spelled "in other places in other ways"
In early English spelling, the same sound was often represented in widely divergent ways. During the Middle English period, the first sound of "she" was sometimes spelled "sch" and sometimes "sh" and sometimes in other ways. Yet, these different spellings were not thought to represent different sounds. Rather, the different spellings result from distinct local traditions governing the use of certain symbols to express the same sounds.
-- first sentence -- I've made "the same sound" the subject, thus making my syntax emphasize my main idea
-- reintroducted the idea of 'other place/other ways' to more exactly represent ideas of original sentence
-- divided the third sentence in two to clarify
-- condensed "in different parts of the country" to "local"
6. The Committee would require industry to certify, based on available information, that there were no chronic health effects caused by any new substance that was to be exempt from the regulation.
7. A argued that because B failed to reduce the royalty rate after a patent expired, the licensee was discouraged from challenging the patent. But that argument does not apply here.
8. According to flight records, the pilot must continuously move the controls to maintain position and altitude during refueling.
9. Althought Smith can prove that Jones didn't improve the property, the Court held that no agreement was breached, because Jones had told Smith that he didn't intend to improve the property.
10. Coker and Gelley suggested that their firm's meticulous research was essential to their success.